"Where is my mummy?" - Christmas 2005

Oh, it's so exciting! Soon I will see what there is to discover outside my mummy's womb. But I'm also a wee bit scared because I overheard my mummy talking to a friend recently and saying "I don't want this baby, if only it were dead! My mum will chase me away if she finds out I'm pregnant." I don't know what she meant by that, but it scared me. I'm also sad that my grandma doesn't even know I exist and my mommy says my grandma doesn't want me either. It's also getting quite crowded in here. I guess my mummy doesn't have any comfortable clothes. She squeezes me in quite a bit with her tight jeans and short belts. Sometimes it's quite uncomfortable. Hooray, I hear the nice nurses talking. I guess we must be at the clinic now. Why do you think my mummy is crying and screaming? Oh dear! This is scaring me! "One more big push" says the nurse... and...

Gosh, it's so bright out here and a bit chilly. The nurse has put me in something soft and warm, but it's not like Mummy's inside. I haven't seen her yet because the nurse wants to wash and weigh me first. Ouch, now she has given me an injection. "This is a BCG injection" the nurse says to my mummy, "it prevents your baby from getting tuberculosis." I feel like going back to where I came from. Now the nurse gives me to my mummy, she is soft and so pretty, but something is wrong - she doesn't take me in her arms. She tells the nurse to put me to sleep in the cradle. "What a beautiful girl" says another nurse who has just come in for the early shift. I am proud that she says I am beautiful. The nurse tells my mother she has to take me home. Now I can meet my grandma too.

Mummy picks me up and walks me to the bus stop by the big shops. I really don't feel safe because my mummy always hands me to other people. She leaves me with a shop assistant so she can go to the toilet. I wait and wait and Mummy doesn't come back. The lovely lady who looks after me gives me a new blanket and holds me and talks to me. She is obviously very nice. What does she do now? She calls the police - I haven't done anything wrong. I'm only five hours old to you. "All right," she says to the policeman, "I'll call Blessed Gerard's Children's Home." What do you think will happen to me? Who are the people from the children's home and where is my mummy?

Someone picks me up. These are strong hands, but soft and I feel safe. I am hungry! Where is my mummy? The strong hands are Father Gerhard's. He presses me against him and speaks to me with gentle words. He assures me that they like me and want me. The nice ladies in the shop are very happy that I am coming to Blessed Gérard's Children's Home. But where is my mummy? I'm hungry and I'm tired and no one has given me a proper bath yet. I'm all sticky. Aunt Clare carefully undresses me to make sure I don't have any injuries. Carefully she takes away the blanket and the onesie. "This is a newborn baby!" she says. She saw the fresh umbilical cord, recently detached, that had been my life link to my mummy. Where is my mummy? Father Gerhard and Auntie Clare seem quite nice. They are trying to find a way to maybe find out who and where my mummy is. "We need to go to the clinic. That must be where the beautiful little girl was born. Maybe the nurses can remember her," says Father Gerhard. Now we are in the car. This is fun.

Now we are at the clinic. The nice nurses are really happy to see me. "O, I remember this special baby. She was born this morning! Where is her mother? Do you know she didn't even want to hold her mother?" says the nurse. 'I wonder why my mummy won't want to hold me. I am hungry and I am tired. Please take me home!

Father Gerhard and Aunt Clare take me to a beautiful, warm and welcoming place. It must be Blessed Gérard's children's home. The people there are so kind to me.

They bathe me, wrap me in a soft blanket and give me a lovely warm bottle of milk. Now I can sleep. But where is my mummy? I am dreaming happily of my mummy and my grandma, then I wake up with a fright. What is going on now? Why did they wake me up? Where is my mummy? Auntie Clare holds me in loving hands and carries me into a room where there are some people. What are they talking about? Father Gerhard is talking. He sounds unhappy. Then I hear a familiar voice. It's my mummy. My mummy's here! But why did she leave me with the shop assistant four hours ago? Doesn't she know I was scared?

Aunt Clare hands me over to my grandma, who sees me for the first time. She looks sweet. She smiles at me and embraces me. My grandma wants me! Now I am finally happy to come into the world after this alienating and terrifying adventure. Thank you, Blessed Gérard's Children's Home, for taking such loving care of me!